Sex and Family Stability

My interaction with various families in the past 14 years, as a Christian worker, has proved that sex is a foremost factor in family stability or the absence of it. Arguably, 90 percent of frictions and crises in families are traceable to lack of sexual prudence between couples.

The Almighty creator did not create sex as an after-thought. It has been in His divine blueprint before the creation of mankind. For this reason the Scripture puts thus “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Gen. 2:18). God made the woman for the man for companionship, for comfort (including emotional satisfaction), and for procreation.

After Adam has awoken from the sleep (of innocence), and seen the woman that God has made for him, he recognized her immediately (without a need for introduction). And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man (Gen.2:23). That recognition came because God configured the woman to fit exactly into the divine design to meet man’s emotional needs. That need was not only the desire for companionship, but also for sexual satisfaction. Of course we all know that companionship generates strong affection. Affection, in turn, when it is between two people of opposite sexes not biologically related, generates strong desire to have. That strong desire normally results in sex. It is all divine design.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed (Gen. 2:24,25). God ordained that man, when he comes of age, shall leave his parents and find companionship in a woman, cleave to her (legitimately make her his wife), strip themselves before and to each other (physically, emotionally, spiritually) without feeling ashamed.

We all know that when a child comes of age, he can no more strip before his parents. However, that same person who feels ashamed to strip before parents longs to strip for the person he has married. He also desires to see his wife nude without any sense of guilt or shame; his wife also instead of feeling ashamed to strip for her husband, eagerly longs for her husband’s gesture towards that direction, or even initiates the move without the slightest compunction. It is a divine arrangement.

Sex is a foremost factor in family stability. In a sex starved home, there is always friction and acrimony. However, in a home where sex is prudently managed, there is free-flow of love, affection and understanding. When a couple, in love, engage in sex, and the sex act is done right: The husband ensures that he leads his wife to climax in the act, and the husband himself satisfactorily ejaculates, the next thing that follows is a restful sleep from which the couple wake up with renewed energy and vigour, with smiles playing around their faces. Such couple will always long for each other. Their voices and countenance are a delight to each other. Their home is stable with little or no misunderstanding. But where sex starvation abound, there also abound abundance of domestic insurrection fuelled by mutual suspicion and avoidable rancor. Such a home is also a haven for deadly ailments like high blood pressure, diabetes, and cardiac arrest with resultant untimely deaths.

Sex is primarily meant for the enjoyment of a legally married couple, in order that the bond of love and devotion between them be strengthened. Secondarily, it is meant to be a vehicle of procreation, so that man may reproduce its kind, since it is no more in God’s plan to create man directly again from the dust after Adam and Eve. Those who have abused this standard have without refutation afflicted their consciences with injurious compunction, which can last a life time unless forgiveness and healing takes place, or drive victims to depression and untimely death.

It is the pivotal role that sex plays in family stability that informs the scriptural injunction: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Cor.7:3-5).

Sex abuse in the home

The various ways sex is abused in the home include:

·         Denying each other sex for unjustifiable reason.

·         Hoarding sex as punishment for an offence.

·         Reserving sex till one’s partner does something commendable.

·         Being selfish during sex act (not taking the satisfaction of one’s partner into consideration).

·         Reserving sex exclusively to the time conception is wanted.

·         Having extra-marital affairs (cheating on one’s partner).

·         Having intercourse far between, while a partner is suffering in silence.

·         Ignoring basic rules of hygiene and personal cleanliness (especially of vital areas).